A tinge of sadness

I'm depressed.
My girl is sick. I am sick. My man is in reservist.
She's been cranky. I'm out of sorts. I miss my man though he books out every nite.

There're so many things that I've been thinking seriously and wanted to share with someone.

It's sad to observe that my girl doesn't respond with as much joy & excitement as she does to my man & her paternal grandparents. At first I'm swarmed with jealously. Now the jealousy has turned to sadness as I'm clueless as to why she's like this.

They never mentioned in the books or those baby sites that babies could be like this.

I am the one who breadfed her, bottled-feed her still, change into her PJs every nite, change her diapers, brought her to the clinic when she's sick, hurt both my wrists result from carrying the marshmellowy her, never fail to wake up for her mid-nite feeds even when I'm sick, rock her to sleep every nite, took care of her at nite during my confinement month and there're so much more that I could go on and on... and all I got now is some questionable stares, smiles that come much later, no excited kicks when I call out to her.

How did I get into this? Could it be my working hours which doesn't allow me to be around her all day? I'm clueless.

My man & I have not been talking much in the night when we come home. I try not to be sensitive, but I think we've become a little distant after we have our girl.
Either he sleeps earlier than me, or I knock out before he does. He reads the papers, I surf the TV channels. There's not much to say. I'm sad.

I'm feeling the after-effects now that I'm back to work and having another person in our lives.
I feel distant from everyone close.